


Time and Care

by Anonymous_Creator



Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 19:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16414244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Creator/pseuds/Anonymous_Creator
Summary: Liam stumbles upon a deeply upset Matt in the studio mid day and does whatever he can to comfort one of his best friends.





	Time and Care

**Author's Note:**

> The first rule of shipping real life humans is -- don't ship the real life humans. Especially don't ship them anywhere they can SEE it. And for the good grace of green apples don't mention it in places outside of this. This is weird. You're here too, welcome to my weird, weirdling. Enjoy it, but let's respect the real life humans and keep it on the down low.
> 
> I also appreciate comments, all that being said. If you're feeling brave.

Liam stood in the lobby, still digesting the news that an electrical storm had fried half the building’s equipment.

“No recording -- at all?” he asked, just once more, just to make sure.

The receptionist smiled with false cheer as he pointlessly rearranged a few bits of office clutter on his desk. “We’ll be sure to call you as soon as we can reschedule.”

Thoughts of upcoming travel to New York, London, and other engagements flickered through his mind as he returned the young man’s brittle smile. “Right,” he said. Liam slung his travel bag over his shoulder and gave a little wave “See you soon, then.”

Ryan was already picking up a ringing phone - newly installed and cords dangling haphazardly over the ledge - and barely looked his direction as Liam turned and headed out into the balmy midafternoon day.

The trip to his car was on autopilot as he struggled to shift mental gears. Go home? Barely enough time to kiss a kiddo on the head and get back in the car. They were playing the game tonight. He’d taken this gig because it was near the new studio.

He slipped his bag off his shoulder, turned on the car and enjoyed the sudden burst of cool air. A benefit of not having done a recording session. The car was still comfortable. His phone revealed his endless to-do list as he plugged in and checked Waze to try and avoid any surprise traffic.

Liam cranked the volume up way past kiddo safe levels and indulged in a few show tunes on his way to the studio.

* * *

Liam slipped his keys back into his pocket and flicked on a light. The place was, temporarily, abandoned. This was a minor oddity, however, Find my Friends easily showed folks in somewhat predictable locations -- the better coffee shop, a cluster at a restaurant, various gigs and homes, and of course, the Home Depot. Was there ever going to be a time they didn't need **something** from Home Depot?

"One less thing for my list tomorrow," Liam said as he turned the corner and flicked on a few other lights. He walked past the dark set for Critical Role and Talks Machina, stopped, and walked backward a few steps.

Someone was napping on the couch. That wasn’t too unusual, but he hadn’t seen anyone ping as being ‘here’. It wasn't that he thought a stranger had wandered in, and just happened to sleep on the couch, but he had no idea who this was and if he should wake them up or not.He pulled out his phone to play the elimination game on Find my Friends and to check the group text when the person, unidentifiable in their cocoon created from a promotional Geek & Sundry blanket, shuddered and let out a small sound. 

Shit.

Liam slipped the phone back into his pocket. His bag and other stuff he dropped into Brian’s chair as he crouched next to the couch. “Hey,” he said, softly. Not touching. Just resting his hand near the figure he could now identify as cocoon-person-wearing-Matt’s-shoes.

He could hear the soft sobs now, muffled, and he wanted to reach out and wrap Matt in a bear hug, but he waited. Matt hadn’t invited him to be here. Hadn’t invited anyone to this personal moment of grief, and Liam did his best to prepare himself in case Matt told him to bugger right off.

There weren’t many rules around here, but some things everyone understood. Things like asking someone what they actually wanted.

“Should I stay or go? Call a friend?”

There wasn’t a reply except that a hand snuck out from the tangle of the blanket and gripped his own fit to bruise. Liam winced and squeezed back before taking the invitation to awkwardly hug Matt without forcing him to move.

"I'm here," he said simply. Liam's mind spun with recent events, trying to imagine what might have pulled Matt into a depressive bout. Everyone was tired, overworked, sleep deprived, and generally dealing with some form of being overwhelmed. Welcome to working for yourself. You'll never work harder, they said. God did people know how to undersell shit.

"H-hey," Matt finally managed after a few more minutes of crying. With a final squeeze, Matt released Liam's hand and Liam quietly took a moment to shakes some life into it, out of view.

“Hey buddy,” Liam said as he helped Matt sit up on the couch. When he finally got a look at Matt’s face, dimly lit from the area beyond the set, Liam sucked in his breath. Matt looked haggard. Not unwell, not unrested.He looked like he was one mental misstep from a very long drop.

This shouldn’t be happening. Burning Man wasn’t but a few weeks ago. He should be steady for a few more weeks off the last dose, at least. He needed to call Marisha, and he needed to get a hold of Taliesin, and --

“I’m sorry.” The words were so small, the man so shrunken into his own space that Liam had to blink back tears.

“NOT your fault,” he said instantly, instinctually. “Never your fault.” Liam sat next to Matt and wrapped his arms around his dear friend’s shoulders.

The sobs were louder, scratchier the second time around and Liam clung to Matt as if it would somehow keep his friend from blowing away in a hurricane.

“Fuck depression,” Liam said after Matt caught his breath for a few moments. That earned him a very small flicker of a smile.

“Yeah.” Matt rested his head on Liam’s shoulder, not unlike any of his children might after a really awful day at school, and Liam tried to quiet the sudden list of to-dos and panic that came with this moment and just be here with him. For him.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Matt's voice was just a fraction too loud for Liam to pretend he wasn't supposed to hear. To know.

Liam swallowed back his own pain and set it carefully to the side.

“I’m tired. I’m tired of being okay and then waking up and this. And never knowing. And constantly needing to dose to get to normal. To okay. I’m just tired, Liam.”

“I know.” What else could he say? The mushrooms had been doing wonders for years. When modern medicine had given Matt a host of side effects and a general malaise instead of happiness, the microdoses of mushrooms had given Matt back his life.

Matt ran a hand over his face and awkwardly wiped the snot on the blanket.

Mostly. It wasn’t perfect. Nothing ever was.

“I have to run the game in a bit,” Matt said as he reached out next to the couch and dug at his backpack to pull out a travel water bottle.

“Hey,” Liam said, taking the plastic out of his hand and setting it to the side. “Hey, look at me.”

Matt wiped at his eyes again and caught Liam’s gaze for a few moments before darting away. Liam gently touched the back of his hand to Matt’s face, tilting it towards his own.

“You’re loved. You’re safe. You never have to do anything that would cause you harm. Ever. If you’re not up to this, then you’re sick and we miss a day. So be it”

Matt nodded against Liam’s hand, rubbing a bit of tough, new beard that told Liam he hadn’t showered in the last day or two.

“May I let folks know?” Liam asked. He didn’t move his hand from Matt’s face except to turn it so that Matt could lean into his palm. That was a good sign, at least. The worst of it was when Matt felt he didn’t deserve, and wouldn’t accept, the decency of human touch.

Matt’s eyes closed and he pulled at the corner of his lower lip with his teeth, hard enough to make Liam wince.

“Matt?” Liam said gently.

A bare shake of the head was the only reply he got.

Double Shit.

“You want me to take care of you?”

A nod. A push into the cup of his hand. A tremble.

Liam took his glasses off and set them on the glass table with a clink. He leaned his own head against Matt’s and held the back of his friend’s head to his own.

Liam took a deep breath, called on the bit of his own reserves he had left and centered himself.

“Let’s get a shower, hmm?”

* * *

Gentle words of praise, light cajoling, a guiding hand on the back. They made it to the showers. 

Liam turned the water on and let the steam warm it up while he helped Matt strip with rapid practice out of his clothes. Liam disrobed in the time it took Matt to fumble with his shoes and socks. Teen Liam had taken a good twenty minutes to wander from intention to shower to getting undressed. Dad Liam could go from time to shower to shaved and in the car in fifteen minutes flat.

“Come along,” Liam said. He gently tugged on Matt’s hands and pulled him into the warm spray of the shower and waited a few moments.

Matt came undone. It was unnerving to Liam, despite not being the first time he had witnessed this. He slid to the floor and sat next to Matt and let him wail. There wasn’t really a better word for it. He’d never gotten the whole story from Marisha, but it was something to do with his childhood. The only safe place he was able to cry was in the shower.

The sobs on the couch had been the muffled affairs of an adult who knew anyone might walk by. In the comfort of the heat and the fall of the hot water Matt cried with heartrending pain, as if his life had fallen apart into a hundred pieces and wouldn't ever fit together again. Liam threw an arm over Matt’s shoulder and held him while Matt tried to shake himself apart.

Liam wondered about the time and pushed the thought right out of his mind. He’d written their names on the door outside the dressing room in erasable marker. Anyone who was family would know what the little upside down symbol meant in the corner. If they missed the pre-game prep Marisha would know to throw one of the canned one-shots on and wrangle the social media. 

Matt snuggled into his shoulder and said something inaudible.

“Hey there,” Liam said as he brushed Matt’s temple with a kiss. “I’m here.”

“Why?” Matt said.

Liam frowned to himself for a moment before deciding how to answer. That question could have a few different meanings. Best to ask.

“Why what, dear?” he said.

Matt didn’t ask again and pulled away from Liam.

“Hey,” Liam said, shifting to get a grip on Matt’s elbow before he could fully scoot away. “Hey. Matt. I’m here. I love you. I’m a grown man sitting naked in a shower with one of his best friends because I love you. But I’m not a mind reader. Sorry I’m not. I’d save you the trouble if I could.”

Matt shook his head and swallowed a few times before he found his voice. “Sorry. You’re right.” He sat back down next to Liam and tilted his face up to let the water cascade over him, his eyes closed.

“Why did you stay with me?”

Liam felt his stomach do a double tumble and he was very glad he was sitting in a shower. It made it easier to let his own tears flow and hope Matt wouldn’t notice and somehow take on more guilt.

“You’re my friend, Matt. You’re my second family. Some of the hardest moments in my life, you’ve been there for me. How could I not be here for you?”

“But I’m not--“

“No,” Liam said quickly, giving Matt a little shake. “You don’t get to say that. It’s a thing you can think. It’s a thing you can feel. I get that.” Liam sighed and took Matt’s face in his hands. “It’s. Not. True.” And he kissed him.

Not a lover’s kiss, precisely, but a familiar kiss none the less. He loved this man and he had no shame in showing it. Matt’s eyes opened and then closed again, and he pulled Liam against him, teeth clacking in a desperate urge for intimacy.

Liam opened his mouth and let Matt’s tongue lick at his as Matt’s hands tangled in his hair. Liam returned the gesture before he took a few moments to pull Matt to his feet. Liam leaned against the back of the shower, his hands behind his back and waited.

Matt took a deep breath that came out in a half hitch, then another, smoother exhalation. He swallowed once. “Do you want this?”

Liam marveled that Matt felt compelled to ask a man, standing naked in a shower, an erection clearly evident, this question. Amazing human being, really, all around saint on any given day. He told him as much.

Matt huffed a laugh.

They took care of one another. An easy, familiar task that bespoke their long friendship with benefits. It wasn't a cure-all, of course, but when they turned off the water and put their clothes back on, Matt was mostly his usual self. Close enough for the viewers at home to not know the difference. He'd pay a price for putting on a game face and doing the show, but not an insurmountable one. They’d go back after, tuck Matt into bed, and have Taliesin sit on him until they could do a microdose.

Liam exited the dressing room first, wiped his name off the door and bumped into Marisha.

“Hey, Liam, how is - are you, is he?” Marisha stumbled over her words as Maxx and Dani swung around the corner and walked briskly by in a conversation about the whereabouts of the iPad known as Pumat Seven.

“He’ll be alright. With a little time and care,” Liam said.

Marisha winced. “Little early for time and care, but okay. You took care of him?”

“He insisted. You know how he gets.”

“Yeah,” Marisha said. “Thanks. I’m gonna go check on him." Marisha gave him a peck on his cheek and whispered, "You're lucky sharing is caring. And hot."

Liam felt a heat in his cheeks and ducked away as Marisha laughed. She slipped into the dressing room and closed the door.

Still, he smiled as he went back to retrieve his glasses from the Talks Machina set.

These were his friends for life. He couldn’t afford the amount of blackmail material on him, otherwise.


End file.
